I peeled my sad, angry, frustrated clothes off and went to bed, though I still wore a layer of it on my face. It occupied some of my heart. As I lay on my side and looked out the window I noted the orange sky. That means weather. The kind that brings lightning. I can’t sleep when I know the lightning is coming, especially after that last storm that seemed to want to eat the Hampton roads. I was tempted to stay up all night so I could be prepared for the blast, no matter how long it would take for it to come, but I really wanted to sleep. I chose to peel off my layers of anger, to turn over and breathe and meditate and pray and hope for relaxation to take over so I could sleep. I chose to sleep, and I would deal with the storm, the adrenaline rush of fear that comes when a little girl sleeps in her bed and her parents crash the door… if and when it came. Meanwhile, there’s nothing. i. can. do. about. it. Any of it.
This morning I awoke, still wearing my angry face, sad to say. I could feel it, stuck to me like a wet leaf but not so easily plucked off and cast aside. Reading the news did not help. Last night’s echoes still reverberate, that a politician assaulted a journalist who the hell knows why, and my fear that it’s only going to get worse. More, I can’t stay quiet when I see a young woman who wants to graduate barred from the ceremony because she broke her “morality” pledge and got pregnant. I’m supposed to stay quiet when girls can’t wear braids in their hair or barred from a graduation ceremony because they’re pregnant. Both schools have rules and mores, and both girls broke them. The pregnant girl broke the contract she signed when she had sex outside of marriage and got pregnant. But the strength she showed in keeping her child and choosing to move forward with her life, to finish school and graduate shows a lot of backbone. Or… maybe a lot of pressure from her parents and society? Either way, she’s barred from graduation because she broke the morality rule, and all I can feel is sorrow for all of us. I guess I should fall in line and feel solidarity for the rule, because if they allowed her to attend it would mean the school condones her behavior, and then cats and dogs living together.
I ruined my 5-star morality rating years ago, and I’m betting we all have some tarnish on our souls. Here we stand punishing young people for an act as simple as wearing braids or as troubling as premarital sex which results in pregnancy. I am an angry woman this morning because females should not be punished for wearing braids, or for carrying a child. I am in no way a pro-life person, because, you know, I hate babies and life and I just want to sin and fuck and eat embryos with my grits. But I am a pro-life person in that I can’t stand seeing injustice, even though they signed a contract. The contracts and handbook rules that regulate dress code and morality are in place to keep young people in line, and boy do they need keeping in line, what with all the things they’re privy to on social media and lack of guidance from home. I get it. But the angry woman of me feels that black girls banned from wearing braids and pregnant girls cannot attend graduation that they earned crosses a line and really pisses me off. I am sad for all of us as a society.
And don’t even get me started on the politician that body-slammed a journalist for asking a question. I feel like we’re all just losing sight of things that should matter more than offensive t-shirts, weaves, and a young woman who chose life, which is ironically what conservatives want to preserve at all costs.
It’s almost noon, and I have to decide what my diet of the day will contain. As I write, I am playing action movies in the background. The angry woman of me needs to hear fire power and powerful soundtracks, a catharsis for me that elevates the idea of justice because I cannot be the iron hand to wield it. I see justice and common sense diminishing in my country. And there’s nothing.i.can.do.about.it.
Aw shit, what do I care. If you sign a contract, you’re bound. You fuck up, you get punished. No graduation for you. Just like a president, I guess….