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Indigo Vales

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Indigo Vales

Tag Archives: long night

Becoming

14 Monday Dec 2015

Posted by Kristine in Uncategorized

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long night, shedding, Solstice, thoughts

Give me the strength and the grace to get through it, this shedding that happens all at once, this brick wall that falls down upon me that I can’t get out of its way fast enough.   Even the snake, miracles of color that explore the earth on their bellies, seekers of heat, shed slowly, so slowly, not allatonce in this raw way that I do, sometimes.

When we shed we are vulnerable, it hurts, and we do not wish anyone to see our new, naked selves until the shedding is done. We are ready. We are become.  Even we do not know what color the goddess will paint us (or will we choose our own color to spite her like some tattoo that daddy hates?)

I wish I could shed slowly like sleepy trees in summer, one scarlet leaf, one saffron, calling it a day, leaping from the belly of a C-130, parachuting to the ground, nestling in the grass, one great fall at a time. Keep my shy birds hid until their true songs are ready to be sung.

Solstice, grant me strength and grace to get through the long, dark nights (long and dark, as it should be!)  I think I am ready for snow now, a cold white blanket to see where she been and where she’s bound to be. Allatonce.

 

 

Forgiven

03 Thursday Dec 2015

Posted by Kristine in Uncategorized

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evolving, Henry Rollins, inspiration, long night, thoughts

My debt to society was paid the moment my eyes fluttered open, took a deep breath, stretched, and said “I am forgiven.”  I arise leave the warm bed behind and the sins and stains of a lifetime there. I shower, scrub the hours of hate and jealousy from the body as she is, watch a lifetime run down the drain and the best part? I’m keeping the best parts, right here, with me.

I forgive myself for being imperfect. I will always be imperfect, and I do not forsee myself becoming a beacon of greatness for all to follow. I do forsee that I will keep breathing.  And walking. And reading. Listening. Writing.  And today I forgive myself for not doing all of the above hard enough, long enough, with enough truth, trust, and passion.

The world is not black and white, and I can’t always get what I want: a quiet space to think, to listen, to read, and write. Sometimes I have to surrender my time and space to the needs of the outer world. And there’s no halfway for this anymore.  All in, baby girl, otherwise, I’m missing out on the things I need to fill in the words.

Arise Awake Be Grateful  Go Create

 

Super-Early August 19th

19 Wednesday Aug 2015

Posted by Kristine in Uncategorized

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long night, MFA, Mr. B.L., thoughts

This post is the result of a venti caramel macchiato at the local book store.  There were some things I wanted to get done tonight, and I wasn’t too worried about the caffeine keeping me up all night.  At this point, I wanted to share a few thoughts before hitting the sack.

Got some good advice from a writing friend about business cards, so I designed and ordered them tonight. It was fun. More fun probably because the house is quiet and I could think/process what I wanted.  Excited for them to arrive and now I just need to find places to share them.

In other not exactly news but more under the category of “thought”, I am in conversation with an author whom I greatly respect regarding that thing they call MFA.  This conversation and thought process is in the earliest stage, and at the moment I am enjoying the crass thought of calling myself Mutha Fuckin’ Autha…  Yeah…  I like dat. However, there is a price to pay for it, and is it the right thing for me?  I’m a woman in the riptide of mid-life, and I’d like to not be wasting my time, effort, energy, hopes, dreams, and ca$h on a program that’s not right for me.  I believe participating in an MFA would be of benefit, but to what extent? There’s no fear here, do not misunderstand. I can apply and they can shoot me down and I won’t cry or lose heart or the desire to write. Nothing can take that away.   I can apply, be accepted, they can critique me down from here ’till the cows come home, but it still doesn’t answer the questions inside me:  “Is this the right thing at the right time; Is this the best thing for me and my writing path?”  Some might say, hey, you will never know until you try. I respect that. And it’s part of all those writing veggies I plan to throw into the juicer and see what comes out into my glass.  Too sweet? Too bitter? Or “Why the hell did I put garlic in this?”  Eventually the right recipe will be clear.  And then we’ll see something!

Round Three

13 Thursday Aug 2015

Posted by Kristine in Uncategorized

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editing, long night, Rose's book

I handed the second manuscript edit to my editor and it did not go as I had hoped. We don’t have enough good material to make a full-length book.

Not giving up. Hell no.  So I prepare to go once more into the breach.  I’d roll up my sleeves, but I am not wearing sleeves.

Preparations: A pint of icy cold green tea with honey, light a candle, and sprayed some Coppertone tanning oil upon myself. Am I out in the sun? No, but the scent makes me think the ocean is right outside my window.  I need all the inspiration I can get right now.

I’m going to do a third edit and hand it in tomorrow afternoon to my editor and the lovely Rose.  Then they can figure out where to go from here.

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