The sun has been present since 4:22. The eastern sky in my bedroom window tells my restless eyes so. I am not ready to greet this day. My alarm clock is set for 7:00 but that’s a joke because I know I will awaken and rise long before then.
I’ve got “work” to do. Or things to “think” about. Basically it’s just being awake before I want to be awake and now I have to deal with it.
It’s too dark to write, so I turn on the lamp near my table so I can “see.” The orange courtyard lights are still on. The western sky is black diluted, while the sky in my eastern bedroom is robin’s egg blue. Hours pass and the sun rises over the shoulder of my apartment roof, lighting the yellow walls aflame. I will close the blinds later to keep out the blinding light and heat, the light that coaxes my plants to creep and grow. I have visited the balcony ten times already to witness the pre-dawn grass watering, finches calling, the ocean sky lilac and calm, large black bugs zip-zagging haphazardly, crashing into everything unlike their steadfast, straightforward but seemingly lost dragonfly compatriots. Much to do today and no word when we will bury our friend the Saffron Queen. Will he refuse to tell us?
My editor says he will take one of my things for print. That means he likes one thing more than the other, or, one was more right for the anthology than the other. I keep wishing I could write more things for the anthology but that’s just not how it works for me. Some days a thing grabs me, takes me by the lapels and says “You write this right now,” and I obey and it works. Most days I walk past dusty footlockers and wash dishes and wait for dolphins and sleep on a sore shoulder. My editor says he will print my thing and I should be shouting from the rooftops and doing the happy dance, but right now all I got is gratitude for being alone, for choosing silence over the crush of the world, and squeezing in a story now and then. And missing my pain in the ass friend.
My day began at 4:22 AM. The sun is bright on the yellow wall and I have much to do today, and I will try to focus on what I can be, what I will do, and ignore all the rest.